Fighter or “nerd” – how to raise a child?

The presence of own child any parent is tempting sometimes to think about the method, direction and character education. The realities of life often say that a more child to make a good soldier without fear and without reproach, than thin and intelligent man. How to deal with this dilemma?

Looking back, I often think about what the principles taught to me parents need to be honest, do not throw words to the wind, can’t let people bad-mouth middle, modesty is a virtue, for a friend do not mind However as I have matured my naivety, like the others, probably melted and the words spoken to my face, I began carefully to examine the implication for the information contained in the conversation, trying to see the true state of things – it was a student. And having entered the age of the worker, became to understand that not all “mom’s” principles work in my life. “Afloat” are not the cutest shy guy, but upstarts and cheek. So what is the conclusion – to be successful you need to “push”? Now I’m standing by the sandbox and looking at how the fat kid is pulling my daughter out of the hands of the bucket, think of how I could bring up? Let humbly give a bucket, or better to let him crack kid scoop?

For comments on this issue I turned to a famous Russian family psychologist, doctor of Sciences, Professor KSPU them.In.P.Astaf’ev, Andrei Zborovska

Honest education is the way to preserve the imperfections!

– Raising your child, every mom and every dad, at least once thought about who it is they would like to raise his child? Unfortunately, as a psychologist, stating: most often, there is no specific answer to this question, parents themselves do not give. Usually, it comes down to a completely undefined term: “to become the Person that sold themselves to Someone, was a successful man”. And then, people actually being Someone, a Personality and a successful teacher, doctor, police officer, engineer (etc.), Ekes out a miserable existence in her grandmother’s kitchen, walk in the same shoes for five years, can not afford to buy expensive chocolates or good cognac…

The question is: why is this so? Is this with the upbringing of a former child? And if so, how?

I’ll try to comment on. The fact is that globally, all systems of education that exist in the world, can be divided into two types: the East Asian and Western European. In Asian countries it is customary from early childhood to show children the world exactly what he is, really. If dad or mom is above other people by social status or wealth, the child immediately explain that he was from childhood above many of his peers and he should behave accordingly and be able to command the “low” people. If the child is from a poor family, the parents will teach him the submission is higher, they will explain what the world exactly who he is. And if you want to be successful – don’t argue with those above, don’t argue with the system device, and patiently work or pleasure. And you will be rewarded. If dad gave someone a bribe – he will brag about it to the children. If he “solved the problem” in some other way, in circumvention of the laws, “through people”, it will report this technology to their children.

As a result, children grow up fully adapted to life. They know and can do in order to easily find their place in the system. From an early age they understand the world exactly as it is, without wanting to change it. Therefore, they have no grievances and complaints to their parents that they “raised them wrong”, “is not explained how to live”, or “left to their children rotten system.” Hence, in the Asian upbringing, not as such and so familiar to us “conflict of fathers and children”. All generations are included in the life smoothly, in the footsteps of their parents, the world has not changed fundamentally, he just mechanically reproduced, even in him there are no formations. And most importantly – completely, all the children enter the adult world, being able to live in it, well referring to it. The rich stay rich, the poor to be poor and absolutely not see this problem. Who best serves this system of life, has all the chances to rise in her for a few steps higher.

Another thing raising children according to the European standards set in ancient Greece and Rome. In this format, parents always kind of ashamed of those realities of life, in which they raise their children. So they, like so mildly… them about the existing rules do not finish. In the end, mom and dad raise to 16-18 years children almost in greenhouse conditions. Tell them stories about what people are born equal to each other, that the world is built on kindness, love and mutual assistance. And they secretly give children a bribe, fight for power, betray each other. Eventually, the children grow up, preparing to live in some other world, in the same, yet the principle, which is the only school books and good books that gave them absolutely no good parents.

Further children enter adolescence from 14 to 18 years and be shocked by reality. They understand that the world is NOT SO! So there is a “conflict of fathers and children”, when teenagers are protesting against the fact that parents did not teach them these rules of the game, and against what parents themselves have accepted these rules and not against the imperfections of life.

At this moment, European (including half of Russia’s children) are divided into three categories. Some bend under the burden of the information received about life, begin to live the life of an ordinary man in the street, anywhere not leaning heavily. In other irritation from reality and a keen desire still to catch on in this life of money and power, burn out all moral fuses, they turn into predators and robbing peaceful herbivorous inhabitants. The third category of people, still considers it necessary to live exactly as they were taught by parents and the right books. They begin their fight for the restructuring of the world, for its alignment to the values of kindness, love and equality that were inculcated in them by their parents.

Thanks to the activity of the latter, owing to their poverty and moral suffering, the world of Europe from century to century, all improved and improved and new generation build democracy, fighting for ecology and humanism, developing science. In the end, the world is not playing, he changes towards a brighter Future. And everyday problems and emotional discomfort honest and decent – this is nothing like those sleepers, which is the engine of Progress. This is a fee the European world for what it strives to be different.

Strictly speaking, hence any parent has two basic ways of raising children. “Fair” when the baby will be perfectly adapted to an imperfect world, will make career in it and earn money, but… the world will remain imperfect. Or “indulge in wishful thinking”, when the child will grow on book values when he become an adult who will be poor and angry things happening around injustices, but, but… this world from year to year will still change for the better.

The choice of the scheme of education – a personal matter of each parent. But, at the same time, this selection of the ways of the society in which we all live. Where we will live in Asia or Europe, yesterday, today or tomorrow, in fact, does not depend on geography, but on our approaches to the education of our children. Remember: honest parenting is the way to preserve an imperfection, idealistic – to the improvement of our world.


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