The Child after the divorce
the Child after the divorce – as the separation of parents affects children
The child when the parents live apart, you may choose for yourself the different models of behaviour – can be aggressive, truant, engage in fighting, throwing of school or to close themselves isolated from their peers. Divorce of parents is not only a crisis in the marriage , it is also shock and stress for the child who often blames himself for the end of love between mom and dad.
The effects of divorce on children
Divorce is not only the case of adults. The separation of parents and children experiencing. Divorce is a frequent reality for many families and, as with any crisis, entails the need to adapt to changes. However, the disintegration of the family should not mean pathology.
Problems children . parents are divorced, they often emerge not from the situation of divorce, although, of course, it is difficult to understand how still two loving people can leave. Most often the source of the problem children is anger, hatred and anger that accompany conflicts of parents. How a child copes with a difficult moment in life, depends mainly from his mom and dad.
No children that survived the separation of parents unharmed. A return to balance after a divorce takes on children and adults sometimes for many years. Regardless of the age of the child, be it a teenager, a child or preschooler, divorce is a very stressful time.
Change in family life involves certain changes in the child’s behavior. He can, for example, often cry, be irritable, lose his appetite, to demand attention from adults, to experience irrational fears, nibbling the nails, peeing at night in bed, blaming himself for the breakup of the Union of the parents, and even fall into depression. Some children react to parental divorce aggression (verbal and physical), aggression (e.g., self-mutilation), or appears, especially in the case of children of preschool age, regression – a return to earlier stages of development, for example, a child may require feeding, despite the fact that he can eat on his own.
The uncertainty of children after separation parents
The child after the divorce of parents feel disappointment, deception, loneliness, fear, abandonment. It is often thoughts: parents will stop loving me? Who can I expect? What will happen next? With whom will I live? Change school? The main thing is to be sensitive and give more support. Remember, however, that divorce did not become a subject of emotional blackmail on the part of children. Young people are often trying “to win for yourself” – if parents, “infatuated” with each other, I’m concerned, you can do what I like.
Adaptation to the new situation easier in the case of children who had warm relationships with their parents, have high self-esteem and can Express their feelings. Remember to protect children from additional stress – do not carry them your frustrations, don’t make them witnesses a quarrel with your spouse, do not include them in their “competition” with a partner. For the child, who went from one of the parents, and so pretty radical changes in my life.
Child custody after divorce
After the divorce, acquires a special poignancy to the theme of the custody of the child. Despite the fact that You broke up with your partner, relationship children will You tie to the end of life. Already in the beginning is to determine with whom the child will live. Who will pick him up from kindergarten? Under what conditions, when and how often the child will see the parent who does not live? Despite many claims and hostility to the partner, You must set the “clear rules of the game”. If you find it difficult to talk, you can find help in the person of the mediator or therapist.
Sometimes there is a temptation to drag the child to his side, to use it as a “trump card“ in discord with your partner. This is the worst thing you can do for your child. For a child both parents are the main people in the world, do not expose it to the conflict of loyalty . Avoid the imposition of child specific roles, for example, an employee in the transmission of messages to the partner. Your spouse decide personally. A child cannot be an instrument of struggle between you. Snarls to partner with the child, do not report your concerns to your daughter or son, and so they feel “overloaded” problems. Remember that sometimes the child is better to give in, to compromise.
However, if You are the victim of violence. if partner does not pay child support, if he still bothers You after a divorce, You must protect yourself and your baby.
Life after divorce
After parting with her husband, You and the children will gradually return to emotional balance. Natural state in this period is sadness. Divorce, however, should not become a constant topic of conversation or the center, around which you will build your life. If the child after the divorce still feels desperate, not eating, not sleeping, he looks weak and unable to cope with the problem, do not neglect symptoms – maybe it is depression. In that case you should go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Never leave baby alone with this problem. Remind him of the good moments You spent together, creating a complete family.
Never lie to the child and do not create the illusion that everything is fine in situations where it is known that the relationship with the partner is already in the past. Divorce is a shock for a child, but it is better to accept even the most deplorable, than to be deluding oneself. Best of all, together with her husband to inform the child about the divorce and the principles which have now expired – what will change and what will remain the “old”.
When will some time after the divorce and have a chance at a relationship with a new partner , can be born a new problem is whether the child stepfather / stepmother? Thirst for romance can be huge, especially after several years of living alone, but remember that this change can bring a new crisis in your “moderately stabilized life after divorce “. On this changing need of the child to prepare. He can, for example, be afraid that you will lose parents through your participation in a new relationship. Remember that until you finish the mental process of parting with a former husband or wife, you should give yourself some time to not create new stresses for their own child.