Why the child is lying to your parents?
How can she lie, looking me straight in the eye? The father of ten girls
In our relationship something goes wrong. I don’t understand why she can’t do I say it? If she trusted me, we would speak the truth. Mother of eight year old girls
Lying is one of the biggest problems in the child’s behavior. When you discover that your child is lying, it is not only shock you, but also hurts, Angers, puzzling and disappointing.
Nine-year-old Shelly Jay and her mom came to me a second time. Mrs. Jay in a rage told me that since our last meeting Shelly lied to her twice already. After the first lie mother as punishment for the week taken from the room Shelley TV. But two days later, Shelly lied again, explaining why so late coming home from school.
Until my mother told me, Shelly shyly sat in the chair, but suddenly jumped up and shouted: “it is not fair to take away my TV because I ate the cake!”
Her mother on the same raised voice said, “I took it not because you ate a brownie. I punished you because you lied. I just can’t stand lies.” Shelly didn’t want to repent and threw it in the answer: “And you’re lying. I know adults lie too”.
And, of course, Shelley was right. Not only politicians lie. We all, in varying degrees, we love to invent, for example, to make excuses when we don’t want to do anything, or to impress others, when we live beyond our means. Writer David Lawrence said: “We have to lie, just the same as being forced to wear pants”. Maybe that is why we so hard to carry a baby lying simply because it shows us that we too are forced to cheat.
Why do children lie to parents?
In some cases, you lied in your childhood?
You can remember why you lied and what did you feel?
How are you lying now?
Just as adults, children cheat in different ways, and, depending on age, this lie says about different things. However, children lie and has something in common, often it is an attempt to experience your environment. For example, cheating, baby just wants to understand, listen to, whether its adults.
What types of lies are typical for your child?
Lying in the name of their independence.
Dissociated false or false-dichotomy.
Lies for nothing for up to seven years
“Did you brush your teeth?”
. but toothbrush dry and a tube of toothpaste’t hurt!
If the child is lying to you this way, it is rather disturbing and not worried. Maybe you were mad. One frustrated parent said: “She knows that will convict her of lying, it’s obvious, it’s so easy to check, and yet she continues to lie”. An obvious lie is usually seen in children aged four to seven years. At this age, such lies can be considered a stage of child development. To four years the child thinks that you know everything about him that adults are magically able to feel his needs before he will say about them. This gives the children a huge sense of security. However, the child is already beginning to seek independence and therefore wants to be a part of his life was hidden from you.
Freud said that the first successful lie is also the first step toward independence from their parents. As I said before, this confirms that parents do not know how to read the mind of the child.
If the child got older, but continues to blatantly and obviously lie, then it is not development stage, and the message about how he feels. The child cannot move on to the next stage of development until it is fully that will work where he is right now. Perhaps your child simply tells you that he has not yet completed this stage of development? Or maybe he tells you that you are invading his territory. It can also be a way to show you that you know too much about him. In this case, it is better to ask yourself, do you give him enough freedom for his age? Maybe have something where you don’t need to invade now, when your child is seven years old?
Lies in middle age
Let’s move on to nine-year-old Shelley. Most of all, her mother worried about what lies daughter connected with changing her behaviour. Shelly has always been headstrong and liked to argue. But Mrs. Jay says, “I was able to cope with it”. But now Shelley was “secretive”, he does not say where going to go and with who. The last straw was when during the lesson of physical education Shelly and her friend were caught in the Park, talking with some other people’s boys.
The problem is that many parents consider a child’s lie is the first step toward delinquent behavior. Of course, it is possible that Shelley is threatened by this danger. However, we must not forget about the development of children: children in this period are in the process of separating from parents and is trying to protect from adults their personal lives. But personal life implies the existence of secrets.
Older children often use lies to fight for independence. They need to have secrets.
Think about it:
What do you feel when your child is lying?
What scares you: a) your child, b) to yourself?
How to deal with that bullshit for nothing?
There is a pattern: you react to the lie the child is almost the same as your parents responded to your lies. Analyze how your parents reacted to your lies, and how did you feel when you do this.
You need to accept the fact that your child from time to time you will be lying. Try to remember that a lie can be perceived in different ways. Sometimes you can not ignore it, but it is such a lie that must be fought. Each family must decide for themselves what lies must be fought.
Don’t forget that children lie to spite you. A lie often occurs unexpectedly and catches you by surprise. It is important to try to develop a common policy to combat this phenomenon. It is also important to remember that the heat of the moment you can do something later regret. Often encouragement may be more useful than punishment.
Even if you decide not to fight this lie, there are ways to show your child that you understand that he lied. For example, say, “I can see that you haven’t brushed your teeth, and hope that from now on you’re not going to trick me”.
You have to understand that older children from time to time, will lie to you, but this does not mean that you should close on their misdeeds eyes. At this point you need to decide what lie must be challenged.